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Cleaning out my Closets

February 3, 2010

So.  Lately I have a lot in my life that I really need to think about.  I have a lot of decisions that I have to make in a pretty timely maner, and there’s not a lot of options for any of them.

I’m on the cusp of breaking up with Guy.  It could go either way.  One thing I really can’t stand is a stalker of kinds.  Checking up on me, calling when I’m out for an hour or so.  Just generally making a nuisance of himself.  It’s bothersome.  I’ve been fine on my own for all this time, I hope I can manage a damn trip to the grocery store without falling into a ditch.  But that’s his reasoning for calling me.  To make sure I’m alright.  5 times in the course of a shopping trip.  So I asked him if he was nervous about something.  I know I’ve had some guys that were douches, but I don’t call him when he goes out to poker night or to the bar with his friends.  I leave him alone, cause I know that’s his time away from the house.

I think I liked ot having a cell phone better.  I think I’m going to start accidentally leaving it at home when I make a trip to the store.

But all that, tied in with the fact that my boss has been majorly hitting on me has me all spun around.  My boss is cool shit.  She’s awesome.  And there’s so many good reasons why us being together would be so awesome.  And then there’s the big fact that I’m total horrible relationship material.  I mean, look at right now.  I’m getting chastized for not calling!  I told her this too.  I’ll forget birthdays, numbers, times.  I’ll be late or I’ll cancel when you’re counting on me.  I’m tied up with my job in the Navy, and my kids.  She’ll be shortchanged nearly all the time.  But it seems to make her want me more.  I don’t get it at all.  Let me make this clear now, cause I just read what I wrote.  This isn’t my boss from the Navy, it’s my boss from the job I have as a chef.

So it’s fucking crazy.

Then there’s all the little shit.  Like trying to find a three bedroom apartment for us to move into if it turns out I can’ keep the house.  I don’t know what’s all going on with that.  I also have been studying for the Petty Officer’s exam that I have to take on Saturday morning that I’m totally scared I’m going to fail.  I’m a wreck right now.

Anyway.

I just need to vent and be done with this test for good.  At least until the next one.

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